just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
