I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
