Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
