Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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