the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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