just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
