remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My vagina just recognized that song.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
