fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Everyone says I win the strip club
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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