Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
