I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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