This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
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I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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