turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
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im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
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I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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