Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
