Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
