Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
