I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
