This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
