I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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