I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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