best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
