My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
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Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
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I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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