im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
