Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
