I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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