so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
