every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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