Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
