The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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