I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
