Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
