We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
