A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she peed on how many people?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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