why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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