I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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