paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
