And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
