He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
