When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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