peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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