My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
