the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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