Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He did a backflip because drugs
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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