i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
