Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
there is puke in my bra ... again
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
