: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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