He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
