What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
