i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
