We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
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