i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
