I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
