I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
