WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Randomize
