We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
