She just used a chaser for red wine.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
