with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
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can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
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I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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