can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
