Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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