I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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