She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
