Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
