I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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