My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
