So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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