Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
