so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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