dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think I am morally bankrupt
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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