That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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