Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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