my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
