If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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