I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
