We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
