do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize