dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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