well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
